PyRo_pRiNceSs on Xanga

PyRo_pRiNceSs
read my profile sign my guestbook Name: Melissa Birthday: 5/9/1991 Gender: Female Interests: Saint Francis High School. Expertise: I am potty-trained. Occupation: Medical Industry: Entertainment Message: message me AIM: woah exxcitement Member Since: 11/11/2003

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Saturday, April 28, 2007

	Aw. I miss him.
	2:07 PM - 18 views - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it

Friday, April 27, 2007

What a waste.

Okay so today went from being possibly awesome to horribly sad.
I was planning on hanging out with the boyfriend and possibly even sneaking in a first kiss or even simply a first hug or hand holding.
And I had this grand idea of how perfectly magical it would be, and it completely went the opposite way on me.
First of all, with the way he acts, it doesn't even seem like he thinks we're dating. I mean maybe he forgot. Or maybe the "Yes I like you, do you want to go out" means something completely different than what I assumed. We were talking for literally four hours straight. Spending every moment together. I thought there was some connection. And I kept trying to make perfect opportunities for something beautiful to happen, but he was just totally oblivious I guess.
And then Drew and Danny...
Boy they were just setting the mood (not). Drew tried to touch David (boyfriend)'s "cash and prizes" and then grabbed David's nipple and then Grant was talking about how he wants to assrape him (and he was going into dirty vivid details as if he was enjoying the thought of it) and then Grant grabbed David's head and stuck it in his (Grant's) crotch. And then they held him down and told me to "rape him with [my] penis." By the way, I don't have a penis.
But I'm sure that made David feel awkward.
Grant and Drew were just being so appallingly disgusting and they totally crossed the line countless times and I was getting really offended and annoyed and so I walked away and they all followed me and continued.
And then they left, and it was just me, David, and Danny. And I was glad because I thought I was rid of all that perverted talk and physicalness but then Danny goes and acts worse than the other two. And I was just so unbearably disgusted and I could tell David didn't like it either.
And so I tried to make it so we were alone, but then some idiot annoying alcoholic (and DORKY AS HELL) freshman who has a crush on me comes over and starts talking about God only knows what, and then finally everyone's gone and it's just me and my lover...with five minutes left before I had to go.
And then when it was time for me to leave, I offered him a ride home because I wanted to spend more time with him and all and I even told him about how my mom would love to give him a ride...and I was so excited because I was planning on sitting in the back with him so maybe I could hold his hand just once because nothing magical had happened yet in those long four hours. And he says no. He said he would rather ride the bus because he wants to catch up with the bus driver because they haven't talked in so long. And I practically beg him to let me give him a ride, and he just walks away. And I go "Aw I don't even get a hug? How sad. I'm going to go cry." And I act really sad (but most of it wasn't acting) and he goes "Oh. Okay." And just walks away.

So let me reiterate that - we have not held hands. We have not hugged. We have not kissed. We have not made any physical contact. We have not gone on a date. We have not told anyone that we're going out (except I told two girls who I knew I could trust). But he has told zero people.

I am not happy.

I need new friends.
And MAYBE a boyfriend who will actually treat me like I'm at least a little bit special.
I don't deserve any of this.

7:53 PM - 5 views - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Thursday, April 19, 2007

	I'm coming back to xanga. gradually.
	7:00 PM - 4 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Friday, April 21, 2006

ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS

How come just a minute ago,
when my mother was talking to me,
she made her voice
so dead and flat and hollow
that the mere sound of it
flooded me with guilt,

but when the telephone rang
just now,
and she picked it up,
her voice was a perfectly cheerful,
bright and lively
chirp?

And how come
this makes me feel
like slapping her so hard
across her face
that the shape of my hand
will leave a stinging print?

I HATE HER

I hate her for destroying my dress.
Hate her for going ballistic.
Hate her for all her screaming and crying
and for making me feel
like I'm the worst daughter
in the world.

I hate her for being so controlling.
Hate her for being so melodramatic.
Hate her for fighting with Dad all the time
and for never once admitting
in her whole entire life
that anything could ever
possibly be her fault.

I hate her for watching TV all day.
Hate her for not ever talking to me.
Hate her for not ever listening to me.
And I hate her for not being more
like Rachel's mom.
Or like Grace's.

I hate her.
I hate her.
I hate her.

But I hate hating her.
I hate it.

What My Mother Doesn't Know

12:13 AM - 2 views - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

	Back to xanga I come.
	10:22 PM - 4 views - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it

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